Modern Morals

Grandma : Congratulations, Elena! Your mother told me you are getting married.

Elena : I was supposed to Grandma! But I found out my boyfriend got cold feet!

Grandma: That’s the trouble with you young people and your sexual revolutions! In my day we did not find out if a man had cold feet until after we were married!

Cleanliness

Jack : So ,Mitch! How do you like house cleaning now that you are a bachelor again?

Mitch : It’s easy I do a great job.

Jack : So how come there’s lipstick on my glass?

Mitch: That’s impossible. There hasn’t been a girl in my apartment for a month!

Fishing

John : Here, we are both finished with our day fishing….and all I have to do is take this compact fishing gadget, fold it up, and stick it into my pocket….while you are loaded down, carrying that big clumsy rod, that’s heavy reel , a tackle box fool of hook and flies…..a gaff , a net and all that foul-weather gear!


Jeff: : You are right. I am loaded down, carrying all this stuff!! Especially with big pail of fish!!

Horseback Ridding

A:   I have got a short vacation, so I want to pack everything I can into it! Today I am going to try horseback riding.

B:  Have you ever been ridden a horse before?

A:   No-but If I can drive a 360 horsepower Car I certainly ought to be able to drive a ONE Horsepower Horse.

B:   It is not quite the same thing, sir!

A (talking with the horse) : Get going move, don’t just stand there idiot Do Something.

B :  See? It is not like drive a car

A :    Sure It is ! I just can not find the Starter.

Choice

John: You know what your problem is? All you ever think about is tennis?

Nick: My girlfriend said the same thing! She told me if I did not stop
playing tennis all the time, she was going to break off with me!

John : Get Nick, that’s too bad…

Nick : Yeah, I am going to miss her!

MARAHON

George: This is rough! What I am doing running in a marathon? Who started these stupid thing?

Chris: Actually, it all started in ancient Greece when a solder ran 26 miles to deliver a message.

George: Well. It is helluva lot easier when there is an army with pointy spears running behind you.

Higher Education

Father: Chris, will you please stop hitting that ball against the wall? It's driving me bonkers!

Son : I am practicing. The coach says I got a chance for a tennis scholarship that'll pay for my whole 4-year collage tuition!

Father: Remember to bend your knee and follow through! And above all, keep practicing son! keep practicing!

Match-Making

Mother: That's girl Sally!, whose number I gave you...? How do you like her?

Son : I think I'm in love!

Mother : Isn't she beautiful?

Son : I don't know!! I never met her!! I called her several times, but she was not home~

Mother: So what are you in love with...?

Son: Her answering machine message!

Term Paper

Jeff: I got an A+ on my Term Paper!

Linda: You? I didn't believe it!!

Jeff: Oh yeah? See for yourself!

Linda: I will be darned! How did a goof-off like you manage that?!!

Jeff: Research! Carful, thorough Research!! I investigated every possible source!! left no stone unturned.. until I found the best term-paper-writer money could buy!