Overhead

"A theft just ran off with my wallet," yells the champion runner.
"Couldn't you catch him?" asks the bystander.
"Sure. I even took the lead, but when I looked back, he was gone."

If I Were a Millionare.

"Take a Pencil and Paper." the teacher said, 'and writ and essay with the title 'If I were a Millionaire." "Everyone but Phillip who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
"What's the matter,"the teacher asked."Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

Who Are You Rooting For?

One friend to another: "My gun  misfired, and the tiger was racing toward me at full speed. I just managed to climb to the second branch of a big tree."
"And the tiger?"
"When it got to the first branch of the tree, I took a desperate jump and reached the third branch."
"And the tiger?"
"It kept on chasing me. By the time it jumped to the third branch, I was up to the fifth one."
""And the tiger?"What about the tiger?"
"Hey, who are you rooting for?"

Good Restaurant?

"Ours is  a good restaurant ," said the manager. "If you order an egg, you get the freshest egg in the world. If you order hot coffee, you get the hottest coffee in the world, and--"
"I believe you," said the customer.
"I ordered a small steak."

Most Stuck-up

The Fifth-grader cam home from school bubbling with excitement  after having been voted "Prettiest  Girl in the Class." She was  even more excited when  she cam home the next day after the class had voted her "Mot popular."
but several days later when she announced she had won  a third contest, she was somewhat subdued.
"What were you voted this time?" her mother asked.
" 'Most Stuck-up,' " the girl replies.

Specialized Pilot

Mac and Todd, two brothers, went together to an employment agency looking for work. The first brother was called for an interview. "It says here you're a pilot." said the employment counselor.
Mac nodded. "Well, that's great. There's a need for experience pilots. I have a job for you immediately.: With that, Mac left for the airfield.
Todd's interview didn't go as well. When asked about his work experience he replied.
"I am a tree cutter." The counselor said there were no opening for tree cutter. Incensed, Todd demanded: "How come you have a job for my brother and not for me?"
"Because you brother is a plot," explained the counselor. "He has a special ed skill."
"What do you mean specialized? I cut the wood, and he piles it!"

Modem

Question:  What is modem better than a woman?
Answer :

1. A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing "AT".
2. When you're done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty.
3. A modem won't say a word if you come home late.
4. A modem can't collect alimony if you decide to dump it.
5. A modem will always wait patiently by the phone.
6. You can always get a few bucks for an old modem when a faster model comes out.
7. A modem doesn't mind if you call another modem.
8. A virus you catch from your modem doesn't require a trip to the doctor.
9. You don't have to bring a modem home to meet your parents. If an error occurs, Abort, Retry or Fail are the only options you have to worry about.
10. Modems come with an instruction manual. Modems have a volume control - you can even turn the sound OFF.